Most of the time, when someone looks down on you, they don't say it directly. They're too smart for that, or too cowardly. Instead, it shows up in small, subtle patterns that are easy to dismiss in the moment but impossible to ignore once you see them.

Here are five of the most common ones, and what to actually do about them.

1. They constantly interrupt you

They talk over you, like what you're saying doesn't matter, and to them, it doesn’t. Interrupting is a power move, whether they realize it or not.

What to do: first, just keep talking. Don't stop. If they keep pushing, put your hand up to signal stop and keep going. And if that still doesn't work, say their name. People instinctively respond to their own name. Then calmly say, "I am still speaking. You can speak when I am done." Not aggressively, just clear.

Most people will back down immediately because they're not used to someone holding their ground that calmly.

2. They never make time for you but always expect yours

This one is subtle.

You're trying to talk to someone, and they're barely looking at you. They’re half distracted, giving you the occasional grunt to make it seem like they're listening. But the moment they need something from you? Suddenly, they expect your full attention.

I've had team leaders who wouldn't even look up when I came to them with something. But when they addressed the group, everyone was expected to stop what they were doing, turn towards them, and give them their full attention.

They demanded the respect they weren't willing to give.

That's a hierarchy they've built in their own head where your time matters less than theirs.

What to do: You don't always need a big confrontation here. Just quietly adjust. Be professional. Do your job. But stop going above and beyond for someone who won't give you the basic courtesy of their attention. Don't seek them out. Don't volunteer extra effort.

Some people show you exactly how much they value you by how they listen to you. Believe what they show you.

Your time is just as valuable as theirs. Act like it.

3. They make jokes at your expense

There's a difference between laughing together and being laughed at. If someone's humor consistently comes at your expense, that's not a joke; it’s a message.

Here's the thing about calling it out directly: the moment you say "that wasn't funny," they've got their response ready. "Can't you take a joke?" Now suddenly you're the problem.

So don't take the bait.

Try this instead: just look at them. No smile, no reaction, no words. Let the silence sit until it gets uncomfortable. They’ll get the message.

You can also ask calmly, "What did you mean by that?" Make them explain it. They most likely won’t know what to say because they know what they were doing and won’t want to explain it.

And if it keeps happening, quietly start putting distance between yourself and that person. You don't have to make a scene. Just become less available. They'll notice.

4. They ignore your boundaries

Here's a common one. Someone asks you to work late, and you say, "No, I can't. I'm leaving at 4:00 today." And they push back. "But I really need you to stay." And suddenly you feel like you need to explain yourself.

Don't.

The moment you say, "I have plans with my family," they've got something to work with. "Can you cancel? Can you reschedule? Can you do it another time?" And suddenly you're defending your kid's birthday party to someone at work. That's not a conversation you should be having.

Don't give them the ammunition. Just don't explain.

Say it once, clearly: "I can't stay today. I'll be here tomorrow at 9, and I'm happy to help then."

And if they keep pushing. Use the broken record method. Same calm response every single time. "I'm leaving at 4:00. I'll see you at 9 tomorrow." Over and over, same words, same tone, no escalation.

A calm, consistent no is one of the most powerful things you can say.

5. They disappear when things get hard

This one is personal for me.

I had a coworker I thought was a real friend. When my car broke down, he helped me fix it. He just charged me for parts because he was teaching his son how to work on cars. I thought that was genuinely kind. I baked his son’s favorite cookies for both of them as a thank-you. I gave him my number when I was laid off and said, " Call me anytime”.

The only time I ever heard from him again was when he reached out in a business capacity to ask me to cancel a company credit card. That was it.

And that told me everything I needed to know.

Fair-weather people are everywhere. They're great coworkers, great neighbors, great friends, right up until the moment the situation changes. Then they're just gone.

What to do: let them go. Don't chase it. Don't try to figure out what you did wrong, because you probably didn't do anything wrong. Some people are only capable of showing up when it's convenient for them.

The people who check on you when you're not okay, those are your people. Hold onto them. 💜

Here's the bigger picture

People who look down on others are operating from fear, insecurity, and wounds they haven't dealt with. That doesn't make their behavior okay, but it does mean it has nothing to do with your worth.

Your worth isn't determined by how someone treats you. It's not up for debate. It doesn't require their approval.

The more you understand that, the less power any of this has over you. And ironically, that's usually when people stop doing it.

Boundaries aren't walls. They're just you knowing your own value.

If the writing here resonates with you, the newsletter is free, but there’s also a support link below for anyone who wishes to help support the work.