I have a confession to make. I am not kind because I'm a good person. I mean, I'd like to think I'm a good person, but that's not the entire reason why I do it. I'm kind because it feels amazing, and there’s science to back that up.

So, let's talk about that.

A few years ago, my boyfriend at the time mentioned that a coworker of his had gotten completely stiffed on her Secret Santa gift. He worked at a theater, and the kid who drew her name, an actual child actor in one of the productions, gave her leftover Halloween candy.

That really bothered me. I really don’t like it when people are treated poorly or unfairly. Something inside me just went off, and I thought, “I’m going to give her a gift that will blow her mind (in a good way)!” My then-boyfriend loved the idea and agreed to split the bill.

This was after Christmas, so everything was on sale. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and went nuts. I bought her a bathrobe, a mani-pedi set, nail polish, lip gloss, lotions… the whole spa setup. I needed a giant bag just to fit it all. I wrote on the card that it was from both of us.

He brought it to work, and she was apparently stunned. The card said it was from both of us, so she knew; she just directed her thanks at him. And I will be honest with you, there was a half-second of "well, okay then" about that. But it didn't actually matter that much. Because the part that felt good? That was already done. The shopping, the assembly, the imagining her face when she opened it, I already got that. The thank-you was just a bonus.

Fast forward to when I was just starting to build my brand. I'd posted in an online spiritual group asking for opinions on using AI to help structure my writing. I had the ideas; I just wanted help organizing them. Some people were supportive. And then some people were... not. One woman told me that if I didn't know how to write, I simply shouldn't write at all.

Okay, so someone with a fabulous idea can’t share it because they’re bad at grammar? Wow, lady! Anyway…

I left the house a little discouraged and went to get the mail. Across the street, a neighbor I'd never met was out pulling weeds, and I thought, " That looks like a whole project.” We started talking. Turns out she was retired, had a full quilting setup taking over her entire living room, fabrics crammed into her kitchen pantry, projects everywhere. She showed me around, gave me her number, and told me she was home whenever I needed someone to talk to.

I walked back into my house in a completely different mood than when I left it.

She didn't set out to fix my day. She was just genuinely herself: warm, open, willing to share her weird quilting hobby with a stranger at the mailbox. And somehow that was exactly what I needed. She probably doesn't even know she helped to turn around my afternoon, but she almost certainly felt good during that conversation as well. That's not a coincidence.

Here's what the science says is actually happening in these moments.

When you do something kind: give a gift, have a genuine conversation, help someone out, your brain releases a combination of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

·       Dopamine is your reward signal, the one that says yes, do that again.

·       Serotonin stabilizes your mood.

·       Oxytocin is sometimes called the "love hormone". It promotes bonding, trust, and connection, and also lowers your blood pressure.

Researchers sometimes call the feeling that results the "helper's high." And the giver actually gets a bigger neurochemical boost than the receiver. The receiver gets one as well, just not as much. So selfishly speaking, you want to be the one giving. University Hospitals

But it doesn't stop there.

When you observe an act of kindness, similar regions of your brain activate, and it encourages you to act with compassion in turn. This is called moral elevation. It's why people can't stop watching Mr. Beast videos. It's why the whole Oprah "you get a car" era became a cultural moment that still lives in our collective memory. One altruistic act can inspire others to follow suit, creating a domino effect that spreads positivity across entire groups. You're not just helping one person. You're basically dosing everyone in the vicinity, including people who just hear about it later. Vital Harmony MentalRowancenterla

I love giving gifts. That probably surprises no one at this point. But I'm not a "grab a candle and call it done" person. I personalize things. When my brothers were teenagers, I made them Easter baskets with cash in the eggs, candy they actually liked, things I knew they'd want. When my ex and I were living in the same condo after a breakup (a whole other story), it was Christmas, and I made him a custom t-shirt full of sound engineer jokes because that's what he did for work. He gave me a candle.

But even with that one-sided gift situation, I still had fun making the shirt. I still got to do the thing I love, which is figuring out what would make someone feel genuinely seen.  Looking back, I think that's why I've always loved giving gifts. It's never really been about the gift itself. It's about paying attention. It's about knowing someone well enough to say, "I see you.”

The joy of that is mine.

And no one can take it back.

So, here's what I want you to take from this: kindness is selfish, and I mean that as the highest possible compliment. It is one of the few things in life where being good to someone else and being good to yourself are the exact same action. Your brain doesn't distinguish between "I did something nice" and "I should feel good now". It just hands out the neurochemicals automatically.

So go ahead.

Be selfish.

Buy the gift.

Send the text.

Help the stranger.

Call the friend.

Your brain will reward you for it anyway.

And somewhere along the way, you might make someone’s day or help them feel a little less alone.

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