There's a particular kind of loneliness that doesn't get talked about enough. It's not the loneliness of being alone in a room. It's the loneliness of reaching out to the people who are supposed to be your people, and getting a text back that says, "hang in there," and then nothing else.

That's been my week.

I'm going through one of the harder stretches of my adult life right now. I’m on my fourth layoff and the second one since becoming a homeowner. I'm now having to sell my house because of that. My finances are in a place that keeps me up at night. And I've been dealing with most of it alone. Not because I chose to, but because when I reached out to the people around me, that's mostly what I got. Hang in there. You'll get through it. You've got this.

And look, I know those texts come from a place of caring. People are busy, people don't always know what to say, and sometimes "hang in there" is genuinely the best someone can offer in a given moment. I'm not angry about it. I'm just honest about what it feels like to receive it when you're really struggling.

It feels like being handed a Band-Aid when what you needed was someone to sit with you in the emergency room.

I think a lot of us have been on both sides of this. We've sent the "thinking of you!" text and told ourselves we showed up. And we've received it, smiled, and said "thanks, I appreciate it," while quietly feeling more alone than before we reached out.

Real support is rarer than we like to think.

Some people have it. They have a person they can call at 2 AM. A friend who shows up with food without being asked. A family member who says, 'Tell me everything,' and actually means it.

Those people are lucky. I hope they know it.

Because not everyone has that. I'd wager that more people than you'd think are running on "hang in there" texts and holding it together mostly on their own.

Here's the thing I'm learning, slowly and with great personal resistance: asking for help is not the same as failing.

I know that logically, but knowing something and feeling it are two very different things. For me, asking for help feels like an admission that I couldn't do it on my own. And doing it on my own has always been part of how I see myself. I ended my relationship with my dad years ago and told myself: I don't need you. I can do this alone. But this stopped being a survival strategy and became an identity.

But "I can do it alone" was never supposed to mean "I have to do it alone.”

There's no prize for white-knuckling your way through everything by yourself. There's no medal at the finish line that says, "she never asked for help." There's just exhaustion, and the quiet ache of wondering why it had to be so hard.

So, I'm going to do something that is genuinely difficult for me. I'm going to ask.

If you've gotten anything from what I write here, if something I said landed, or made you feel less alone, or gave you a different way to look at something, and you're in a position to help, I have a support link below where you can contribute anything at all. No amount is too small, and I mean that completely sincerely.

And if you're not in a position to help financially, I'd genuinely love a prayer. I have two job interviews this week, and I need them to go well. If you're the kind of person who prays or sends good energy or lights a candle or just thinks a good thought, I'll take all of it gratefully.

I'm not too proud to ask. Or at least, I'm working on not being too proud to ask. It's a process.

If you're going through something hard right now and feeling like you're doing it alone, I want you to know I see you. The "hang in there" texts are well-meaning, but they're not enough, and it's okay to wish for more. It's okay to need more.

It's okay to ask for it.

You're not failing by needing help. You're just human. And humans were never meant to do this entirely alone, even the strong ones.

Maybe that's what I'm learning.

Strength was never supposed to mean doing everything alone.

If the writing here resonates with you, the newsletter is free, but there’s also a support link below for anyone who wishes to help support the work.